Lisa Kelley

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Recent Stories

Mother offers no comfort

Call with phone company leaves customer clueless

I never feel more like committing a felony than when I have to deal with the telephone company. Each time Ma Bell and I have an encounter, I'm convinced our conversations can't get any crazier, and each time, I'm proven wrong.

Ozark Winter Olympics

Games more challenging if hosted in Arkansas

Now that I know "streaming" isn't a water sport, I rarely watch live television anymore. But there are occasions when I take a break from binging and put the trusty antenna to use.

Dear Television Moguls

Don’t mess with Magnum

Listen here, Hollywood and L.A. I know I'm not an authority on much in your world. I don't know the first thing about carrying on calmly while the earth shifts violently beneath you. I can't tell you how to "hang 10" unless it involves five pairs of socks and a clothesline. And I couldn't follow your gnarly dialect if you tied me to a post and like, totally made me watch the movie Valley Girl for a week straight.

Scandalous love affair

Audio books lead to strange behavior

I adore a good book, and for the most part, I think a good book is terribly fond of me. We spend a scandalous number of hours together in our love affair, curled up on the sofa or nestled under bedcovers, just the two of us. And a dog. And two cats. And two rabbits and fish nearby. But mostly, it's just us.

That's a lot of bull

If Roosevelt visited to Pollard, Arkansas

It was the summer of 1954 when the bull attacked my mother. Not a pit bull. Not Bull, the bailiff from the 1980s sitcom "Night Court." Not Bull, the doctor in the current drama inspired by the life of Phil McGraw ...although the idea of Dr. Phil attacking my mother would make for a compelling story.

Tales of tinsled taxidermy

Ghosts haunt Grammy’s for Christmas present

After midnight on Christmas Eve, I curled up on the small bed tucked beneath the stairwell at Grammy's house, Baxter ever-present by my side. We both knew one of us was supposed to be the loyal protector of the other, but neither was quite sure who was assuming the duty that night.

The night before Christmas

Santa knows all, gives great gift

"911, what's your emergency?"

Baptism, watermelon, coffee

Circumstances lead to grateful encounter

I wasn't sure which building of the Methodist church to enter, so I aimed for the one with the highest steeple and opened the large white door. I was early -- which, by societal standards, means I was timely -- a feat which ranks in rarity with Halley's comet and the Cubs winning the pennant. My mama used to say I was born late and had been late ever since, chiding me that the early bird gets the worm. I'd counter that the second mouse gets the cheese. She would roll her eyes and declare how I'd be late to my own funeral, which I never saw as a bad thing.

Holiday horror hideout

Classic films sure to scare

Since downsizing to my little loft in the heart of Bentonville, I've greatly reduced the size of my holiday decor. Whereas once I had a dozen Halloween knick-knacks and 20 Thanksgiving baubles strewn about, I now have a couple -- an iron black cat and a denim pumpkin -- commanding center stage. I think the little buggers stand straighter these days, as though they know they beat out the competition.

Orange you difficult?

Color signals trouble ahead

"I don't care much for the color orange," I randomly blurted to my friend, Karen, as we sauntered through the craft fair booths. "It seems like trouble to me."

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